i want to watch lost, but i don't want to watch it.  I could stop watching it now but i've already watched a season, can't quit half way, or, 1/6 way. it's so old.  but missing something that's old just doesn't make any sense either. maybe it's peer pressure, everyone has seen it. but i dont really feel the pressure coming from anyone but myself, nobody talks about it anymore.  i could just wikipedia the plot. but then, why can't i just wikipedia everything that i want to watch? only one word can sum up all my feelings right now: lost. I guess you're right John Locke, it's faith.  It must be a leap of faith. I have to watch it, and make one leap at a time. one episode at a time. Oh and Rose, thank you for your inspiration too, I know there's a good ending worth watching, critics can tell me there isn't, but i just know that there is. Thank you....

Writer's Block: Happy New Year of the Dragon!
the bull

Writer's Block: Backwards Day
"!lol !racecar a , boB, sis,dad,mom, !woW"

Writer's Block: Pants on Fire?
Given that the omission was on purpose, it is a lie, because despite of the fact that someone did not say something that is not true by appearance, he actively, intentionally left out information that he knows is of at least some importance to the answer, usually in attempt to change the degree of seriousness of the consequence, whether it's a criminal case that involves the punishment of the offender (or more than one offenders, this is where you can see how much difference someone can make by leaving out a name), or simply the impression that the answer gives people.  

This all depends on the seriousness of the situation, especially whether it involves the law or not, so don't be too uptight just because someone asked you what your favorite bands are and you left out one.

Writer's Block: Tough Choices
friendship, and any real friend would understand why i would make that choice.
this choice does depend on how strong that love is for different people, whether if the two are serious about a long term relationship or marriage. but for most, it should not be more important than family in any circumstances, because after all, no matter if you like your parents or kids or not, they're directly related to you by blood. Special cases exist, such as where the only family member someone has is an abusive parent that does not do anything within his/her responsibility.

Writer's Block: Human Nature
the ability to reason

Writer's Block: Sh*t Happens
Not everything that happens is under our control, but how we view the situation is our choice. We can't prevent someone else from saying insulting or childish, but we can prevent ourselves of from doing it or feeling angry about it. We can't prevent something bad happening, but given time, we can choose to think about what we can do about it or simply sit there and worry. A good way to develop a positive attitude is to help others do it, because it always seem simple to give solutions to others than actually doing it ourselves.  Only when we try it for ourselves do we know if it will work.  Being able to ask this question, you must have at least some positive attitude within yourself and took good measures to deal with problems in the past. It's probably because that you can't see your past clearly. That's normal because most of us don't pay much attention to every single problem that we encounter, but it doesn't hurt to try to recall.

Writer's Block: Love is in the Air
we're riding bikes together on a farm road, sunshine, wind, smell of summer, cows.  She slows down and turns to me, "So what made you think that you could get me?" "cus I got the moooooooves like jagger."

To the Americans, to the Chinese

To the Americans, to the Chinese,

Close your eyes. What's the first thing that comes up in your mind when you think of the Chinese?


Dog meat.

Slanted eyes. Black hair.

Short, fragile people with flat chests and/or small ####s.

Extremely introverted and conservative.

Nerds burying their heads in books and papers.

Ching Chang Chong .

Bruce Lee and the whole Chinese population as his descendents.

Chairman Mao.


Great Wall. Tiananmen Square.

You know what? It's all true. It's all lies. What you see and hear, and what you make of everything that you observe is one thing, what's really there is another.

Chopsticks. We do use chopsticks at home and in most restaurants, but we too have Pizza Hut, Subway, McDonald, and Burger King, and we do not stick chopsticks in pizzas, sandwiches, or burgers. We also use our hands. Some of us do eat dog meat, but not the majority, and none of us eat dog meat everyday. There are animal rights groups and most of us do have conscience. If you say you like Chinese food, I would be interested to see your list of your favorites, because there are just too many varieties, including cow ****.

Many of us do have slanted eyes, but not all of us, and no matter how our eyes look, they still let us see just as far as your eyes allow you to see. Some of us have lighter colored hair.

Many of us are short and skinny, and? Many of us do have flat chests and/or small ****s, but we still managed to reach the population of (go google).

Extremely introverted and conservative. Yes, some of us are this way, just as some of you are too. However, many of us are not, and some of us do not really give a shit about what we say and do.

Nerds burying their heads in books and papers. Yes, we do study hard, but no way this is our only hobby. Those of us who jumped off buildings after failing exams are not crazy. We do this because there's no other way to survive in the huge motherfucking cities with a hundred people fighting over one position while you have a few competing over one.

Some of us did not choose this route and some simply don't like to study. We too have high school fights, dropouts, students who smoke in restrooms, get their girlfriends pregnant and kids who spend nights in internet cafes. Besides studying, we do have other things to do in our spare time. We do laugh to Mr. Bean and cry to Twilight. We too are interested in the NBA, NFL, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, CSI, Prison Break, L’Oreal, Chanel, Levi's, nightclubs, Black Eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, just to list a few.

Ching Chang Chong. Trust me, if the pronunciation of all Chinese words begin with “ch”, our descendants would simply have eliminated the “ch” so we could speak more words with fewer syllables. When you're unfamiliar with something, the only thing that catches your attention is what's most different from what you know.

Bruce Lee and the whole Chinese population as his descendents. No, not all of us know or care about martial arts, and most of the fancy Chinese martial arts are useless in actual hostile situations.

Chairman Mao. He's as dead as George Washington. Period. Next topic.

Buddhists. Most of us are atheists. Just because we have Buddhists, it doesn't mean that all of us are.

The Great Wall. Tiananmen Square. Yes they are in China and I have been there. Do I go there everyday or are obsessed with them? Do you rent homes near the White House so can wake up every morning saying “Dude, it's the White House!”?

Close your eyes. What's the first thing that comes up in your mind when you think of the Americans? Wait a sec, I just found a flaw in the first sentence. If you closed your eyes, you can't really read the rest of the writing. And I guess it does no good for me to tell you to open your eyes now if you already closed them. You'll just have to wait until you hear the computer turns off itself after electricity has ran out at your home. For the rebels who did not follow my direction, a question to the Chinese people, what's the first thing that comes up in your mind when you think of the Americans?

Big, strong.

Blonde, wavy silk-like hair, blue eyes, white skin.

Oops, forgot the black people. Dirty, physically strong, dangerous, stupid, lazy, AIDS.


Everything in America is cheap.

America is heaven.

Don't need to study or work hard. Everything needed is provided by the government.

Liberal. You can say or do anything you want.

The law will take care of everything.

McDonald. Hamburgers.

Britney Spears.

Nice. Extroverted.

Big, strong. Some of us are, but not all of us are 6'5+, full of muscles.

Blonde, wavy silk-like hair, blue eyes, white skin.

Oops, forgot the black people. Dirty, physically strong, dangerous, stupid, lazy, AIDS.

Okay, you've just described the appearance of a small fraction of the American population. You see Natasha there? Her father's from Nigeria. She's just as American and beautiful as many others here. She spent summer working from 9 to 5, getting just a little more than the minimum wage, while other girls of her age are out shopping with their parents money or complaining to friends on the phone about their ex.

Everything in America is cheap.

Cheap is not a value. It is the comparison between two or more values. Same with rich. It is not the amount of wealth an individual possesses. It is the comparison between the wealth of different individuals. What's the point of comparing two items of the same type in US and China unless you really plan to import for the purpose of doing business? What's the point of comparing the income of two people who live in two different countries? To go off at a tangent, what's the point of emphasizing the differences in the behaviors of two kids that come from completely different family backgrounds?

American is heaven. Are you saying that everyone in America is dead? If you're only using a metaphor, then it's because you only see the tip of the iceberg. You do not see the university students working and studying their asses off, you do not see the hopelessness in their eyes at the lowest points of their lives. You do not see the piles of bills to pay or hear phone calls about maxed credit cards and rents. You do not see the pain of the black population, still suffering from racism; neither do I, and I will never say that I can see it because it would only show much more of my cockiness and ignorance than sympathy and the hope for change. However, I would never stop attempting to envision, to trade shoes.

A dollar to an American is no more or less than a yuan to a Chinese. A drop of sweat or tear in America has just as much salt as one in China.

I'm growing more tired about questions like how is America and China different from each other. The most funny question is how Americans and Chinese are different when it comes to personality and character. To help you answer this question, just compare your friend A and friend B, given that they're from the same city.  Are they really alike?  What means the most to me is not how different we are, but how similar we are. Things that we all like and hate. How we hate people who are in power abuse the power they have, how they spent the tax dollars and the respect that the citizens give them. Does it really matter what kind of food or music you like, what kind of car you drive, what color my hair and eyes are? Deep down in our hearts, much deeper from our flesh and blood, is what really makes us human. The things of the highest value, things that give us meanings to our lives, things that make us who we are, are all intangible, invisible. You can only feel it yourself. You can't try to feel it . You will when it comes by. When you are all by yourself, reaching out in darkness, you can almost feel it slip away between your fingers, and no one except you will understand what it truly means. We have to admit that we're all lonely. It doesn't matter how much the people around us know about us. There always some things that we would say to one person but not to another. Life is like a roller coaster. We gain and lose momentum. We get hold of the things that make us go on with our lives before losing them again. The bullshit of changing everyone around us no longer works for the rapidly growing social networks. It is very ignorant and selfish to judge people based on our limited understandings, to reject everything that we have not encountered or carefully thought about in the past. A narrow mind and a narrow vision will only have us buried inside our own cradles. Our milk is cynicism and hate. The real war takes place not in the society, not between countries, political parties, races, religion, sexes, or social classes, but inside ourselves. There's a constant battle between desire and contemplation, fear and courage, the value for unity and individual freedom, humbleness and pride, and so much more. It's not the worst to lose, but to not know what we're fighting for. For many, the question is when and how these fights should end. For the others, the pitiful population drowning in their bodily pleasures, the question is when and whether it is necessary for these fights to begin.

A New Beginning
Yes, a new beginning for me. Yes. Yes. Si. First I will report my position. Beijing, Changping District, a district at the far north of Beijing,
to be a little bit more precise, near 40º13'16.24" N 116º14'07.29 E.  6th floor of a rented apartment complex. Dry, sunny, about 25ºF.  It's January 12th by the lunar calendar, 12th day since the Chinese New Year.


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